yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
