So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
