Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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