i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
