when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
