She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
