I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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