And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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