6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
