Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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