Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
