my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found the puke drawer
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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