I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
