Kiss
Puke
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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