So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
