meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
