dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
