I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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