I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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