last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Randomize
