He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
