if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
