I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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