True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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