After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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