Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
