she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
