I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
