Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
