Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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