Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
