ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Michael Bay diarrhea
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
