just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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