so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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