dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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