Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
