i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
