One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
