I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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