Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
