One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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