If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
