We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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