He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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