I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
