dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
