You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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