I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
