Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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