apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
