something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
