The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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