You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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