you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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