Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
