I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
